Remember when David Bowie and Tina Turner came together to sell Pepsi, or when Genesis and Eric Clapton helped turn an ordinary evening into a “Michelob Night?”
Neil Young was angry when he sat down to write the lyrics to 1988’s “This Note’s for You.” Throughout the decade, he’d seen everyone from Eric Clapton and Michael Jackson to David Bowie and Tina Turner appear in commercials. In many cases, they even re-wrote lyrics to some of their most famous songs to shill soft drinks or beer. And he’d had enough. “Ain’t singing for Pepsi,” Young wrote. “Ain’t singing for Coke/I don’t sing for nobody/Makes me look like a joke.”
The song became his biggest hit in years, and it eventually won him Video of the Year at the MTV Video Music Awards. But it enraged some of his peers. “I just don’t think Neil Young should be setting himself up as rock’s conscience,” said Glenn Frey, who appeared alongside Don Johnson in a 1985 Pepsi ad. “I don’t know what’s worse, making 17 albums that sound like demos, putting them out as finished product, and taking people’s money for that or me taking $1 million from Pepsi. Right, Neil? Who’s ripping off who? You haven’t made a decent record since Harvest.”
Clearly, Young hit a nerve. And to be fair to Frey, his music with the Eagles will live forever, while his Pepsi commercial is little more than an extremely dim memory to most people. That’s the case for most pop star commercials from the Eighties. But thanks to the magic of YouTube, we’ve gone back and resurrected some of the classics. Be warned, some of these are really, really weird. (But not as weird as Willie Nelson hawking Canada Goose today.)
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Genesis
Image Credit: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images Product: Michelob
The Setup: We’re at a trendy New York City bar near the Variety Photoplays Theater on 3rd Avenue. The place is packed with American Psycho-style yuppies. A woman is trying to figure out which Genesis song to play on the jukebox, even though “Tonight Tonight Tonight” is already blaring. We periodically flash to Genesis performing this very song. Someone cracks a Michelob. A woman walks toward the camera and smiles seductively. We don’t see any cocaine, but it’s clearly everywhere. Folks, it doesn’t get more Eighties than this.
Cringe Factor: Minimal. This is the studio rendition of “Tonight Tonight Tonight” without any altered lyrics. Phil Collins doesn’t interact with any of the characters or drink a Michelob himself. And this was all part of a tour sponsorship package. We’ll allow it.
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David Bowie & Tina Turner
Image Credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images Product: Pepsi
The Setup: David Bowie is a dorky, ponytailed scientist attempting to build his own dream woman. He takes a few swigs of Pepsi, feeds images of models into a machine, short circuits it by spilling the soft drink, and out of a chamber walks Tina Turner. Her explosive entrance transforms Bowie into a suave ladies’ man, and they duet on an altered version of Bowie’s 1983 hit “Modern Love” where the lyrics go “now I know the choice is mine” as opposed to “gets me to the church on time.”
Cringe Factor: Mild. Shamelessly ripping off the plot of Weird Science isn’t cool, and it’s weird hearing Bowie sing a Pepsi slogan, but these are two of the coolest people to ever live. We’ll forgive them most anything. (And even this bastardized “Modern Love” was better than the actual music Bowie was making in 1987.)
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Glenn Frey
Image Credit: Patrick Ford/Redferns Product: Holiday Spa
The Setup: There’s no grand story here. It’s just a founding member of the Eagles engaged in an intense, grunt-y workout, and extolling the virtues of Holiday Spa Health Club. “When I come to the gym, I come here for one reason: to work,” he says. “That’s why they call it a workout. When you’re in the business of staying in shape, this is your office. So when you’re in the office, take care of business.”
Cringe Factor: High. Frey was in excellent shape when they shot this, but it’s edited together like a training sequence in The Karate Kid. They also apparently lacked the budget to license one of his songs. It’s a shame because “The Heat Is On” would have worked perfectly.
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Michael Jackson
Image Credit: Steve Allen/Liaison/Getty Product: Pepsi
Setup: It’s the pinnacle of Michael Jackson mania in 1984. A group of young boys — including future Fresh Prince of Bel-Air star Alfonso Ribeiro — are trotting out their best MJ moves on the streets when they happen to come across Jackson and his brothers. The awed kids find themselves in a choreographed dance routine with their heroes as Jackson sings a modified rendition of “Billie Jean.” “You’re a whole new generation, you’re dancin’ through the day,” he sings. “You’re grabbin’ for the magic on the run/You’re a whole new generation, you’re lovin’ what you do/Put a Pepsi in the motion/The choice is up to you, hey-ey.”
Cringe Factor: It’s high when you consider this is from the shoot where Jackson suffered heinous burns on his scalp due to a major production snafu. But once you put that out of your mind — there’s no evidence of it onscreen — it’s pretty cool, especially since we get to see Ribeiro break out some moves long before he was doing “The Carlton” on Fresh Prince or hosting Dancing With the Stars.
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Cinderella
Image Credit: Jim Steinfeldt/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images Product: Pat’s Chili Dogs
Setup: Years before Cinderella broke, the blues-rock-slash-hair-metal band was so desperate for airplay that they agreed to film a commercial for a local 24/7 hot dog cart in exchange for free food, and the promise the proprietor would buy airtime on MTV. They also wrote an oddly catchy little tune: “Pat’s Dogs!/The cook is never tired! Pat’s Dogs!/The steam is always fired.” If not for YouTube, it would have been long forgotten.
Cringe Factor: Low. Who doesn’t like a chili dog?
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Nils Lofgren
Image Credit: Nick Elgar/Corbis/VCG via Getty Images Product: Jhoon Rhee Taekwondo
Setup: Bullies beware, the students of Jhoon Rhee Taekwondo have mastered the art of self-defense, and they’ll kick your ass if you bother them. To drive this message home, E Street Band guitarist Nils Lofgren — who took lessons at the place in the Seventies — recorded a jingle that’s forever burned into the brains of anyone who grew up in Washington, D.C., in the Eighties.
Cringe Factor: Low. There’s a charm to low-budget, regional commercials. And the song is so great that Springsteen should consider adding it into the set when he next tours with the E Street Band.
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Madonna
Image Credit: Larry Busacca/WireImage/Getty Product: Pepsi
Setup: Madonna watches childhood movies and somehow beams herself into the past, and her childhood self into the present. The original airing was the first time anyone heard “Like a Prayer,” and it was designed to kick off a major promotional campaign. But once the actual “Like a Prayer” video hit MTV and people saw images of burning crosses, Pepsi was pressured into pulling the ad.
Cringe Factor: Medium. The time-travel gambit doesn’t really work, and the actual “Like a Prayer” video is infinitely more compelling.
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Eric Clapton
Image Credit: Michael Putland/Getty Images Product: Michelob
Setup: It’s a slow night at the Lone Star Cafe in New York City, and they’re getting ready to close up shop when a mysterious stranger wanders in, guitar in hand. It turns out it’s Eric Clapton, who headed there straight from playing a big show elsewhere in town. He then treats the handful of patrons to a new rendition of J.J. Cale’s “After Midnight,” lays down some tasty blues licks, catches the eye of a lovely young woman, and turns it into a magical “Michelob Night.”
Cringe Factor: It was pretty low until Neil Young created a devastating shot-for-shot parody of it at the start of his “This Note’s for You” video. In the aftermath of that, the whole thing looked a lot less cool.
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Robert Palmer
Image Credit: Frans Schellekens/Redferns/Getty Product: Pepsi
Setup: What if it wasn’t a woman that Robert Palmer found “Simply Irresistible,” but rather a can of Pepsi? That’s the simple premise of this 1989 commercial, which features a reworked version of Palmer’s 1988 smash “Simply Irresistible,” and his signature “Addicted to Love” models cracking open cans of Pepsi.
Cringe Factor: Low. Robert Palmer isn’t exactly Zack de la Rocha, so nobody was surprised to see him shilling for Pepsi. And his song was almost designed to be turned into a jingle.
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Whitney Houston
Image Credit: Graham Wiltshire/Getty Images Product: Diet Coke
Setup: We’re in some weird amalgamation of a record store, TV studio, and dance party, when a DJ inadvertently puts a record needle onto a can of Diet Coke and awakens Whitney Houston from an ancient slumber. She emerges from the walls, sings a song about “Diet Coke” that many people still remember today, and then presumably returns to sleep.
Cringe Factor: Very minimal. The commercial captures Houston at the peak of her singing abilities, and this is a woman who could make a song about Diet Coke soar into the heavens.
