There was a moment, as experimental alt-pop singer Au/Ra entered her mid-teens, when her imagination seemed to lose its autonomy. Songwriting no longer came naturally; it was as though she’d forgotten how her music had come about in the first place.
“I was successful to a certain degree, and I understand why a lot of people really struggle mentally when they get to that level,” the German-Antiguan artist (born Jamie Lou Stenzel) explains, speaking to Billboard U.K. over video call. “Because you start to think that’s the only thing that people value you for. I really needed to go to therapy and realise that I’m making music because I love it, and not to feel like I need to fulfill something.”
Stuck in major label limbo – at age 16, the now-24-year-old was one of the youngest acts on RCA Records/Sony’s roster – she found her creative identity increasingly obscured when she became embroiled in a contractual dispute. Prior to this, multi-million streaming hits “Panic Room,” “Darkside” and “Emoji,” which echoed the brooding electro-pop of CHVRCHES and the nightmarish undercurrent that defined Grimes’ Art Angels era or early Billie Eilish, had articulated a pop vision that felt incontrovertibly hers. Au/Ra was writing about the world through digital anxiety and distortion, inviting the rest of us in.
The aftermath of that early promise, however, didn’t quite go to plan. Tension over the creative direction of her next steps as an artist meant that she was unable to release music for three years. She was forced to hit pause on the career she had built between Los Angeles and London to deal with the legal ramifications of her situation; touring and any sense of momentum suddenly all seemed a distant dream.
These experiences now inform Au/Ra’s forthcoming debut album Heartcore (due June 26 via Polydor), where disorientation and emotional overload are often reframed as something mythic rather than merely personal. Inspired by her childhood hero Björk, she treats the project less like a traditional pop record and more like a living, universe through which she can rebuild on her own terms, incorporating elements of electronica, high-voltage hyperpop, grunge and beyond.
An avid “anime nerd”, Au/Ra has always gravitated toward stories that transport her elsewhere. The creativity she has found in the medium has not only been a coping mechanism during the more difficult periods of her career, but a key source of inspiration for Heartcore, which, lyrically, follows a fantasy character as they freefall through a metaphorical dungeon door and then start to fight it out for survival. Their determination to keep moving forward serves as Au/Ra’s own symbolic representation of the resilience that has shaped her journey.
“My fingerprints are over everything to do with this album,” Au/Ra says, adding that she handpicked her team from the ground up. It’s a level of personal investment reflected throughout the record, perhaps most poignantly in the refrain of the soaring title track: “Losing you was finding Jamie.” And therein lies the album’s core truth.
What does finally arriving at a debut album mean to you?
It really is such a huge, long-awaited moment. It feels crazy. I’ve been working really hard towards this for quite a while, and I feel like with this album, I was able to do exactly what I wanted to do. I knew that I wanted to make an album from day one of this process, and I picked my team based on that, and said, “OK, who is ready to do this with me?” It’s been a really rewarding process to see it all come together, and it’s wild that it’s going to be out there soon.
Even though you’ve written about your own experiences, there’s a sense of fantasy running through the album. Why was that the right language for these songs?
It felt right because it was very much a return to my childlike wonder. I’ve always had a fascination with fantasy and sci-fi, especially when I was younger – that was my everything! I was completely lost in those worlds.
Lord of the Rings is a massive inspiration for me. My artist name came from a Lord of the Rings fan fiction I wrote on Wattpad. Just the whole foundation of this [album] has been built on fandoms and those aesthetics, and fictional universes. It made sense that I wanted to go back to that world; during the time where I couldn’t release anything, I stepped away from making music and went back to exploring creative writing for fun, which was so cool.
You mention the importance of returning to your ‘childlike wonder’. What else has been making you feel young again, and how is that showing up in your life and music?
A lot of creative writing, and also going back to my anime editing accounts – that community is amazing. I got to work with a lot of illustrators on this album, and I’ve loved being able to peek into that world. I just make fan edits for fun when I’m watching a new anime that I love, and I need to process how I feel about it. I have loved returning to those coping mechanisms.
Do you think some emotions are perhaps easier to understand through the “character” of Au/Ra?
Usually, it is easier for me, I think. Sometimes I don’t even know what I am writing about until I find a word or a definition where I’m like, “Oh, this actually suits what I’ve been feeling.” It’s like a weird, backwards way of journaling in some way! There were definitely certain songs on this record that helped me heal directly; it was literal therapy.
Is there anything about being unable to release music for such a long time that, strangely, you think has made you a better artist?
Oh my gosh, yes. It was really hard because I definitely went through an identity loss, 100%. I’d started so young with the Au/Ra project, and suddenly, when I couldn’t release music anymore, I didn’t know who I was. I was very confused about my personal life, and what I had to offer, and what my value is. I’ve always felt quite existential as a person, so having any type of loss was really going to throw me off balance.
For ages, I felt really adrift, and not sure what was going to happen. That was what put me in a dark place. It was important that I really started to pay attention to the fact that I had built my whole value system on being an artist.
What parts of your younger self were difficult to discover while, as a recording artist, Au/Ra was fighting so hard to survive?
Yeah, I definitely was fighting myself a little bit throughout the process because I am inherently optimistic. So when I was feeling depressed, I was almost angry at myself for feeling that way. I would think, “Why are you not just picking yourself up? You can do this,” you know?
I think on [the track] “Rewire,” you can hear me confronting [these emotions] for the first time. Like, “Oh, you can’t fix this by just pretending that you’re okay.” With the way that my brain works, I can just get obsessed with music and the creative side of my output. I had to accept myself for who I am. There’s a lot of very honest lyrics there on that song, I haven’t used as many metaphors as usual.
How do you separate Jamie from Au/Ra now? Is that distinction healthier than it was before?
It’s easier said than done because I spent so much time working on this album. I make sure I have close communication with my family and my friends, and that I have a life outside of my job. I’m making sure there’s things that I’m doing for myself that don’t have anything to do with Au/Ra. I’m really protecting my peace!
Songs like “Emoji” and “Panic Room” felt truly perceptive about Gen Z internet culture. Looking back, what do you think you understood about that world that set you apart from your peers at the time?
I just lived and breathed the internet. It was my home. I didn’t really have those spaces in real life, I had them online; for me, that was where I felt the most seen and understood. I was the resident anime weird kid and it wasn’t cool at the time to be into that sort of stuff. I didn’t really have anybody else in high school that was into those kinds of things, so that led me to find those spaces online. It was just a super authentic way of writing for me, and I didn’t really feel like there were as many artists talking about [internet culture] at that time specifically.
After finding your way back to yourself through Heartcore, what do you hope comes next?
I just feel proud and happy with the kind of world I’m able to build around my music. It really is all about bringing it to life in the way that I want to. It’s for the love of doing it; it’s not about chasing some kind of clout. Making music is about keeping the passion at the forefront and not losing your mind trying to be relevant. I’m doing this for the community I’ve built, and I think it’s a really fun, cool little place to be.
