On the eve of his sentencing, Sean “Diddy” Combs told a federal judge Thursday (Oct. 2) that he is a new man after realizing that he was “broken to my core” and wondering at times if he was better off dead.
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Combs, 55, wrote in a letter to Judge Arun Subramanian that with his mind clear of drugs and alcohol after a year in jail, he can see how rotten he had become before his September 2024 arrest in a case that led to his conviction on two prostitution-related counts. His sentencing hearing is set to begin Friday morning.
“Over the past year there have been so many times that I wanted to give up. There have been some days I thought I would be better off dead. The old me died in jail and a new version of me was reborn. Prison will change you or kill you — I choose to live,” he said.
A jury in July acquitted Combs on sex trafficking and racketeering conspiracy charges, meaning he won’t face a life sentence. The prostitution-related counts each carry a maximum punishment of 10 years in prison.
Combs’ lawyers say he should go free this month, arguing his year behind bars has been enough of a penalty, while prosecutors want at least 11 years in prison.
Combs wrote that the last two years have been the hardest of his life, “and I have no one to blame for my current reality and situation but myself.”
“In my life, I have made many mistakes, but I am no longer running from them,” he wrote. “I am so sorry for the hurt that I caused, but I understand that the mere words ‘I’m sorry’ will never be good enough as these words alone cannot erase the pain from the past.”
Combs apologized for hitting, kicking and dragging then-girlfriend Casandra “Cassie” Ventura at a Los Angeles hotel in 2016 — an attack captured on security camera footage shown to jurors repeatedly during his two-month trial.
“The scene and images of me assaulting Cassie play over and over in my head daily,” Combs wrote. “I literally lost my mind. I was dead wrong for putting my hands on the woman that I loved. I’m sorry for that and always will be.”
Combs also apologized to a woman who testified under the pseudonym “Jane,” saying that “after hearing her testimony, I realized that I hurt her. For this I am deeply sorry.”
Combs wrote that “the remorse, the sorrow, the regret, the disappointment, the shame” from his behavior has made it “so hard for me to forgive myself.”
“It is like a deep wound that leaves an ugly scar,” he said. “I lost my way. I got lost in my journey. Lost in the drugs and the excess. My downfall was rooted in my selfishness.”
In jail, Combs said, he has been reading, writing, working out and teaching a six-week course to other inmates, “Free Game with Diddy,” imparting his business wisdom, as well as lessons learned from his mistakes and failures.
He is also involved in therapy, he said, to deal with his past drug abuse and anger issues. He is sober for the first time in 25 years and is committed to working “to ensure that I never make the same mistakes again,” he wrote.
Combs told Subramanian that he was asking for mercy, not only for himself but for his seven children and his 84-year-old mother, for whom he had been the primary caregiver. While locked up, he said, he missed proms and graduations and critical parts of his 2-year-old daughter’s development.
“As I write you this letter, I am scared to death. Scared to spend another second away from my mother and my children,” Combs wrote. “I no longer care about the money or the fame. There is nothing more important to me than my family.”
He said the conditions of his detention at a Brooklyn federal jail are “inhumane,” writing that he is locked in a room with 25 other inmates, with no windows, no clean air, a broken washing machine and water that they boil before drinking.
Combs vowed to never commit a crime again, telling the judge that since he has been in jail he’s gone through a “spiritual reset.”
Rather than make an example out of him with a lengthy sentence, Combs implored Subramanian to “make me an example of what a person can do if afforded a second chance.”
“If you allow me to go home to my family, I promise I will not let you down and I will make you proud,” he wrote.
