Her first miscarriage occurred very early on, during an unplanned pregnancy before the birth of her first son, Axel. After noticing bleeding, she attended a scan alone on Harley Street, only to be met with confusion. “The woman said to me, she was like, there’s no sack. There’s no baby. And I thought how embarrassing, I’ve imagined the whole thing,” Edwards confessed. Her gynecologist later clarified the situation. “He sat me down and he was like… no, no, there was a pregnancy, darling, but now it’s gone. And he was like, you’ve miscarried. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I just felt weird.”
Following a positive experience birthing Axel, Edwards felt more confident entering her next pregnancy, assuming everything would proceed smoothly. Tragically, she suffered a second loss much further along. “We were about 24 weeks when we lost our baby, but we’d named him,” she shared. “I wasn’t even thinking anything was going to go wrong until it went wrong. And that was like traumatic. Because I feel like when you’re that far along and you have to have the procedure, it’s, I don’t know, it’s just different. No way to have a miscarriage is easy… And I think having to give birth to a child that you can’t take home, it’s awful.”
The profound trauma of losing her baby, named Ace, fundamentally altered her subsequent pregnancy with her daughter, Alanis. Terrified of experiencing another loss, Edwards spent the entire duration on edge. “Every appointment, it wasn’t enjoyable. And that upsets me because I love being pregnant,” Edwards admitted. “I love carrying a baby. I feel powerful. I feel like untouchable… I’m sad that during the pregnancy, I didn’t get to enjoy it fully until the very end really. Because I was just always on edge. Because you feel like that’s sort of been taken from you.”
