Self Esteem has spoken candidly about self-worth, misogyny and the realities of surviving the music industry.
Reflecting on her relationship with success and recognition, the 39-year-old musician – whose real name is Rebecca Taylor – admitted she once tied her value to external validation, such as winning awards.
Speaking candidly on Paloma Faith’s Mad, Sad + Bad podcast, she said: “It’s insane to validate yourself on those things (awards), but the lack of them – I’m like, well, I must be s*** then.”
Taylor explained that her stage name was born from a desire to rebuild her confidence: “I called myself Self Esteem because I didn’t have any, and this has given me it. It’s truly manifesting every day to remind myself to have it.”
The pair also discussed the way women are labelled when they express frustration. Faith noted how often women are dismissed as “angry,” prompting Self Esteem to respond: “I’m disappointed in people who aren’t angry!”
Self Esteem went on to describe how past relationships shaped her sense of self, recalling a partner who repeatedly undermined her.
She recalled: “There was a real nasty bastard boyfriend that was like, ‘You’re crazy.’ Proper Dickens-style gaslighting. And it really worked ’cause I had no idea. I even let him join the band for a bit!”
Looking back, she recognises how damaging that dynamic was: “I’m not crazy. I’m just reacting perfectly reasonably to what is going on in terms of the injustice between me and you.”
She added that much of her career has been driven by a desire to reclaim the confidence she lost during that period
Self Esteem noted: “Everything about my career has been me avenging for that girl… I don’t need revenge, and it’s quite bad for the diary.”
Turning to the pressures of the music industry, Self Esteem said she refuses to limit her creativity to fit commercial expectations.
She explained: “I’m gonna make so many albums, and they’ll all be different, and they can’t all be successful in the same way.”
But she admitted ageism and financial insecurity still weigh heavily: “I’m 40 in October and I don’t give a f***, but also it’s doing something to me and my sense of self… as a woman in the music industry it’s just in red pen ‘DONE NOW’.”
She also highlighted the widening class divide in the arts.
Taylor said: “My music peers were all from a privileged background… you get to be better because you get to put more time into it. It’s just going to get bigger and bigger, that gap.”
Ultimately, she said the biggest challenge remains balancing survival with creativity.
She concluded: “How do I ever disconnect my brain from the fear of keeping a roof over my head to try and make the art?”
Listen to the full episode now.
