You might think you know a lot about Phish. And you probably do. You can rattle off the New Year’s Eve gags, rank the Halloween costumes, and list the names of all of the festivals — including one that didn’t even happen. In Phish parlance, let’s just say you “read the fucking book, OK?”
Yeah, well … that might make you a hardcore Phish fan and get you about the same amount of adoration as earning a high score at the video arcade. But if you want true “aPhishionado” status, you’re going to have to bring home the plushy. Don’t sweat it — every noob will have their day. As Phish frontman Trey Anastasio once put it, after telling the audience about Gamehendge: “I hope you are all with me and following this story … if not, ask the guy next to you.” (Bonus points if you know what show that’s from.)
Take this quiz to see where you land on the Phish spectrum:
Scorecard:
Zero to 30 percent correct — Welcome, This Is a Farmhouse: Most Phish fans enjoy seeing someone get “IT” for the first time, and are happy to fill you in on what’s going on, as long as you are mindful of some basic community guidelines: Please don’t talk during shows, be respectful of people’s dance space, and try to remember that the show is onstage and not in your row.
30 to 60 percent correct — Lizard People: Nice! You’ve been to more than a dozen shows, bought stuff on lot, and have a framed poster or two. More tellingly, you actually know what they are saying in “You Enjoy Myself.” But you still haven’t found “The Rhombus.” That’s OK! Keep chasing that “Forbin’s”->”Mockingbird” narration and you’ll get there!
60 to 80 percent correct — Rutherford the Braves: Congratulations! All of those hours you spent on rec.music.phish in the Nineties finally paid off! You always knew they would. You scored higher than some Phish influencer accounts, and maybe even some of the band members themselves.
80 to 90 percent correct — Famous Mockingbirds: You definitely scored higher than some of the band members, and that 15-minute “Bouncing Around the Room” jailbreak was for you. You earned it. You probably also called the opener, the closer, and are still debating if there was a deliberate “Fire on the Mountain” tease in that “Drowned.” You know the one.
100 percent: Icculus: You wrote the Helping Friendly Book using all of the knowledge inherent in the universe … unless … wait.… Wilson, is that you?
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